In Awe.

As I walk forward in pursuit of a deeper relationship with God, revelations seem to sprout and take root more often than I imagined could happen.

Large transformational revelations.

Small revelations.

The other day, walking through the woods, I had a small revelation that turned into a deeper understanding of who I am in Him.

So maybe it was not so small, but..

As God develops my character, and challenges me with His abundant love, I question why I am the way I am. Not in a negative way, because frankly, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I am happy to be the person He’s made me to be, and is continuing to grow in.

There is however, one characteristic that I’m beginning to notice isn’t exactly found in everyone that I encounter.

And that is that I am able to hold on to the ‘awe factor’ of beauty in creation.

I have walked through the woods here in Herrnhut, Germany over a hundred times, and yet, the combination of sounds between the breeze moving the tree tops, and the babbling creek alongside my footpath.. well, I just can’t enough.

The way the evening sun pours through the branches.

The smell of the woods waking up, shaking off the morning dew.

I can not get over it.

I don’t want to ever get over it.

Every day there is something new to discover.

And the golden hour, how many of those have I seen?

And yet I am continually left breathless by the sight of them. And hope that one day, I can accurately capture how I see them on film… one day.

Color film. Large format. It’s in the works.

There is so much beauty on this earth to appreciate, and I haven’t even seen the half of it.

His creation astounds me to the core of my being.

I could not say anything more whole heartedly,

I am in awe of Him.

Some people like the word ‘woo’. I am one of those people.

If there is one thing that woo’s my heart, it is His creation.

The woods, the mountains, the lakeshore.

All of it, and then some, just continues to move my heart in a way like nothing ever could.

As I recognize this about myself, I can not help but thank Jesus for such a gift. The gift of ‘awe’, I like to call it.

And it is completely that, a gift.

Look around you. Drink it in. Allow yourself to be inspired.

Beauty can and will be found.

 A beauty that reveals just a hint of His love for us.

Incredible.

video update.

Please have so much grace with this video.

Between my tired jetlagged brain and scattered thoughts, it's a bit all over the place.

Next time I will try not to make that weird clicking noise and use the word uhm. 

Whoops.

But for now, here I am in Deutschland, giving you an update.

 

home stretch.

i knew it was coming. 

i could feel it bubbling up all morning.

frazzled frenzy explosion. 

a breakdown.

tears.

there are so many emotions involved with this next step. you name it, i'm feeling it. 

one trigger and bam, there it went.

but there is something different this time. 

last year, in my preparation to leave, i turned to others. 

i turned to those closest to me for affirmation.

for comfort. 

for encouragement.

and what i found was it was not fulfilling. 

it was not what i needed. 

no one's words could ease my heart for longer than a few moments. 

of course, silly me, i didn't even think to turn to the One who is the answer to our troubled hearts. 

now, i know better. 

and there are different people around me, but i still can not turn to them and receive the peace of heart like i can when i turn to Him. 

so tonight i grabbed my ipod and i hit the road.

i drove east for at least a good 40 minutes.

just going, driving, and soaking in what He needed to speak. 

it was a rich time with Jesus.

there is just nothing that can replace the peace that He gives.

these are the lyrics heavy on my heart.

i fought the whole 'liking Jesus Culture' thing for some reason, but forget it.

these lyrics have an anointing and it is right where i'm at.

 

my hearts aches for You my God

my soul waits for You my God

i've come far to find You here

in this place will i draw near

and Your spirit soars me

to the highest heights

from where i'll not look back

i'll keep trusting You

for i know
You are faithful

my God

Your spirit inside me holds me close

in Your wonderful presence i let go

i cleanse my hands, You burn my heart

i cry out for love, You set me apart

and Your spirit soars in me

to the highest height

from where i'll not look back, no

i'll keep trusting You

from the land of the barren

we will cry out for rain, rain God

fill our hearts God

i'l keep trusting You

for i know
You are faithful

my God

the year.

this song is on repeat, and this mind is in overdrive.

not in a bad way.

just in a thoughtful, sappy and nostalgic way.

and i say, that's okay.

one day, after a few other steps are taken, i'm going to have kids. 

and when they get to the point when they are curious about their parent's past, well, i think i will be telling them a lot about this year.

the year that changed everything.

the year that everything in my future exploded high into the sky and then began to fall back down into place.

the year i found out what deep pain felt like and what it meant to let go.

the year i became uncomfortable and grew immensely.

the year i rediscovered myself, my heart and it’s passions.

the year i learned of His goodness, His provision, His promise.

the year i depended on family in a new way, and fell in love with my homeland.

the year i moved to Germany and became a missionary.

the year i was twenty two going on twenty three.

and it’s not over yet.

i have no idea where i'm headed, but i'm headed out with a full heart.

a heart to serve. a heart to learn.

a heart to love.

and my time in germany, well, i don't know how long it will last.

one year, two years, less, more.

i've tried to map out the next few years.

i've tried to connect the dots between people and circumstances.

He's just laughing, eyes full of grace, watching me try.

here's to the beautiful unknown...