it's about that time.

in 8 days

BAPTISM

what better way to enter a brand new season…

when the opportunity arose with the incredible house church i’ve been a apart of, i knew it had to be the right time.

yes!

in 9 days

BONFIRE

chances are, i want you there, so

don’t let my middle of nowhere location stop you from coming out.

i’ll give you a big sappy hug goodbye while you try to eat your s’more.

in12 days

BYE

all the rest of the days

PANIC

 except not really.

all i have to do is pack a bag or two and be on my way to detroit.

there is a tugging to stay.

and maybe that tug is a fear that i'll never live in michigan again.

maybe the tug is a fear that i'll miss out on things that could be.

but fear has no place making decisions for me.

when i arrived home, i knew i had to redefine it.

and finally, i feel like i've reached that place.

home has been redefined.

reclaimed as new.

i am new.

so yes, part of me wants to stay.

part of me wants to see what could happen.

new community.

new friendships.

it's exciting

 and has helped push me to redefine who i am in this place i love to call home.

but i know better.

i know where i am meant to be,

and there is an ever present excitement for that as well.

the next season is in Germany.

it will be beautiful.

it will be abundant.

and no matter the circumstance,

it will be the best place for me where i am at.

i am aware that i have to let go of anything on my agenda 

labeled with 'future' and put it in His hands.

i am so young, 

and there is so much life to experience.

i want to live His will with every second He gives me.

and in that will, no matter what it looks like, 

my heart will find it is fulfilled up to the brim and over.

homeland.

so, 

two weeks left in michigan.

all i really want to do is adventure.

drive somewhere i've never been.

see something i've never seen.

do something i've never done.

view lake michigan from a high point.

get all wrapped up in a warm blanket and look up at the stars in a new way.

soak up a little more golden light at about 8:30pm.

and while i'm at it, shoot a couple rolls of film.

good things.

welcome to my busy crazy whirlwind of a season.
in two days i shoot my first wedding.

in two weeks i move to herrnhut, germany. 

i've been able to shoot with a full frame nikon d700 until i send it back on monday.

yesterday i had the opportunity to photograph in chicago.

thanks to a friend from college, i've been blessed with my dream camera. a 4x5 speed graphic graflex! talk about film goodness.

and will soon be blessed with another friend's old macbook, which means i don't have to put up with this four year old unreliable brick of a dell computer anymore.

that in itself is a blessing beyond words and a major answer to my prayers!
phew...

God is good and full of unexpected blessings this week.

He is so faithful, and i just can not stop repeating that.
over and over and over again,
HE IS FAITHFUL.

you can imagine i'm excited about all the above and then some.

trusting heart.

trust. 

a word God has been teaching me a bit about these days. 

trust is big for me right now. 

my life direction completely shifted this year.

my heart is going through massive changes.

i'm leaving in three weeks to join ywam full time.

leaving my family and friends i love so dearly.

my finances are not at all accounted for.

do i trust that He has this.

do i trust this plan of His...

i keep being reminded of one of my many bathroom revelations.

if you don't know it yet, toilet revelations are the best.

that's where i was able to do a lot of my tough processing in dts because it was the only place i could grab a minute alone. 

you didn't want to know that.

let's move on. 

this revelation.

it was about midway through lecture phase, when i realized how these small desires of my heart i was quick to push off in the past, were now my living reality.

if you asked me in high school (four years ago now, WHAT) what i wanted for the future i would have probably talked your ear off for a few hours, but it would have essentially boiled down to this.

1. to live in community and at one point, live with a big group of girls but not in a dorm situation (i wasn't doing that university thing, no way.)

2. to experience new cultures. and secretly dreamed about living in a different country.

3. to fall in love and get married and one day have little munchkins running around.

4. to own pets, lots.

5. to live a life according to God's will and authentic plan.

so there i am years later, you know, sitting and stuff, and it dawned on me that two dreams of mine that i never thought would ever happen, two dreams that i tried to smash down and convince myself i didn't need.... i was living them. 

i was living in awesome God centered community, in Germany.

how in the world did this happen?

it was in that moment that i started to fully realize how God is faithful to the desires in our hearts, and the more time we spend with Him, the more our heart desires line up with His will. and at the same time, it's not about just us, it's to be used to fulfill His plan for others as well.

it's just this giant web of goodness that only He could come up with.

and those tiny dreams of mine, they are more fully becoming reality.

community. living in a different country. living according to His will.

 and the rest, i have to trust in His hands.

ohhh, yes, that's a tough one indeed.

i thought i had the rest pretty much planned out at the beginning of this year, turns out, i didn't. and it's no use trying to control or think i can plan something better than He can.

so i'm learning to let them go, 

opening my hands to whatever He wants, 

and

trusting.

trusting that He has a plan.

trusting that His plan is better than one i could come up with.

trusting that if He fulfills the tiny desires, He'll fulfill the big ones, even if it looks differently than what i thought, it will be better.

trusting that His ways are much much higher than mine.

trusting that He already knows my financial standing and i don't have to keep telling him,

"hey, God, uhm... i only have $250 support a month, uhm, hey... wanna just send some more my way?"

nope.

God already knows how much money i have and how much i need.

He knows my needs without me saying a word.

and so it is my responsibility to be walking in obedience and asking for guidance on what He would have me do with finances.

it could be a very scary thing, i mean hey, it's a big deal.

but God is so much bigger than money.

so much more powerful than what our thoughts can handle.

and i am His daughter, and He has called me to something, and so why would i be worried?

i've wasted so much time with anxiety.

wasted so much energy trying to control people and circumstances.

i'm over it.

it's not worth it.

God is freedom, and freedom trumps worry any day.

freedom is what i want my life to be defined by.

 not worry.

not stress.

freedom.

so, 

trust.

some things seem to big to trust anyone with, seem too big to hand over to God.

but the truth is, He already has it in His hands. and we just think we're in control.

He does it better than we could ever come up with because He knows the deep desires in our hearts, even the ones that we try to smash down and want to disappear because they seem too lofty or too scary.

He sees it all, and wants to move in our lives more than we want Him too.

He is God.

He is good.

He more than deserves all of our trust even with the things that are closest to our heart.

He has got this.

cats of europe.

time for some photographs.

it's really no secret that i am a huge fan of animals. 

all of them. 

dogs, cats, koalas.

doesn't matter. 

i've grown up with having a handful of animals at all times and they have added so much joy to my life through the years.

that being said, i worked on a mini side project while i was in dts.

CATS OF EUROPE

oh yes.

you may love them.

you may hate them.

everyone seems to be stuck on their opinion about cats, but i've grown to love them.

these guys were caught on both film and digital in germany, paris and greece.

your song.

listen to this song.

listen to the words.

this song is for you with the tired heart.

for you with the stress about finances.

for you with the issues at work.

for you who feels stuck in a rut.

for you with the never ending worries.

this song is for every single one of us.

any day of the week.

no matter where we are.

what we’re doing.

what we’re not doing.

take heart. 

there is so much joy and relief in knowing that He never fails. 

that no matter what is going on,

He never fails.

He has you in His hands.

no matter what situation you're in, He sees the outcome, and He has the best for you in mind. 

His love for you is overwhelming and constant.

thank you Jesus.

last month countdown.

this is my last full month in the states for a very long time.

…

i just had to pause for about five minutes to soak in that sentence.
ha!

last month.

that’s a big deal.

but, to move to germany and join ywam full time feels quite natural.
bit overwhelming some days, but natural.

i knew when i came home that these three months would mean four things.

rest for my body so i could heal from shingles and get my immune system back on track.

rest for my heart, and really learn what it means to be completely dependent on God and lean on His strength.

a time to prepare mentally and spiritually for the upcoming new season.

and a time to gather together a team of supporters to help send me out and keep me there.

the first three mentioned, well those require a lot of time, prayer, quiet and thought.

the fourth, that’s all action. yes, prayer as well. but i have felt that i am supposed to do what i can while i’m still present in michigan to gather “my team” as i like to think of it. people who believe in the mission God has put me on, and who want to support me through prayer and finances.

i’m ready to talk to anyone about it who is interested, speak in churches, do whatever i feel i need to do.

and then there is this blog.
one that, much to my surprise, receives an average of 800 views a month.
that number is unreal.
it let's me know that here on my little blog started on a whim, i have a voice.

using that voice i write, quite vulnerably at times, when I feel the tugging of my heart to do so.

this is one of those times.

finances.

it’s a tricky thing for me to share about because i never know how it will come off, or if my heart on the matter is shared accurately.

because i really am not just after people’s money.

i’m after a relationship with those who believe in what God is doing through me, who want to support me.
as a supporter,

i want you to feel like you are a part of this mission.
if you have supported me or would like to support me, whether it be one time or every month, you are just as part of this as i am.

it is an incredible and unique relationship.

earlier, i shared that my goal was $700 of committed monthly support.

let me go in more detail and break it down.

monthly expenses

rent – $150 to $240 (depending on what i can find for an apartment)

food – about $170

insurance – $56

staff fee – $34

saving/extra – $200

savings is for outreaches that i will be joining or leading in this next year, as well as a potential plane ticket home to visit family and reconnect with supporters whenever possible, probably in spring or summer of 2013.

at this moment, i have $170 committed monthly support, and a few who are committed to helping with what they can when they can.

that is awesome.

i am beyond excited and humbled by those who have come around and promised to support me. every time i receive a check or an email from a supporter, it’s hard to hold back the happy tears.. so i usually just let them loose.
that being said, i know that $170 can and will increase.
 as it stands now, i can eat food (yes!) but the rest hangs in the air.
i ask that you and all who are reading,
 consider it.
think about it.
pray about it.
open your heart to the idea of being one of my monthly supporters.
to the idea of being a part of this mission.
every penny is a blessing i am grateful for.

if you would like to support me financially, with prayer, or would rather not be committed to either but would like updates, send me your email at k.calli@hotmail so i can add you to a monthly newsletter i will be starting up soon!

email or facebook me anytime.

or, we can get together and talk one on one before i leave on july 11th!