Miracles [happen] in Michigan.

In November, I felt the Lord told me that once I left YWAM I was to rest, but also to prepare to begin a job on February 2nd. I tried to make things happen in the way I thought they would and I failed. I cried (read as: sobbed) out to God and surrendered myself and my plans again - feeling completely lost on how to move forward. 

On my last dollars I flew to Portland for a week, hoping to receive confirmation that I was taking the right steps. While I was there getting drenched in His hope for the future - I received a text from a friend. Her uncle was hiring, and if I was willing, he needed me to start the job on February 2nd - so I did. (come ON!) 

I’ve now finished two 50 hour work weeks with eight more on the horizon. I could not ask for a better place of employment for this transitional season and have already had so many incredible conversations with my co workers as we swap stories about our lives, miracles and faith. Each day, I am humbled to see and learn that Jesus is just as real and relevant outside of missions as I knew it - something I was desperate to know for myself. 

Today, I am thankful for a Sovereign God.

And sweatpants on a Saturday morning. 

#ilovemyjob #butialsolovemybed #andmywholedarnlife

What Preteens & Terrorists Have in Common.

The following thoughts are inspired by 3AM and "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller.

I read this book for the first time when I was 14. Actually I just skimmed through it, half daydreaming and half annoyed by the fact that Miller wrote paragraph long sentences. I must have thought something was interesting as I found the pages marked up with red pen, underlined, starred, even the occasional written “yeah!” - but I don’t know if much of what he was saying really made the journey from my head to my heart at the time. I was only just discovering this whole relationship with the living God thing.

What I knew was that I didn’t want religion (though I wouldn’t have known to say that yet). I didn’t want fairytales. I didn’t want hype and show - not in the church - not anywhere.

Hype and show do not comfort a 14 year old girl, desperate for identity and belonging. Religion will never be there for her when she quietly sobs under the blankets because someone at school told her she was ugly and would never be worthy of real love. Fairytales would spur endless daydreams (not that she needed any help with that), but could never be a true anchor of hope.

At 14, I went searching for authenticity.
What I’ve discovered over these last 11 years is that Jesus is as authentic as it gets.

 [Exerpt from Chapter 3 of "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller] 
"And that is the thing about life. You go walking along, thinking people are talking a language and exchanging ideas, but the whole time there is this deeper language people are really talking, and that language has nothing to do with ethics, fashion, or politics, but what it really has to do with is feeling important and valuable. What if the economy we are really dealing in life, what if the language we are really speaking in life, what if what we really want in life is relational? 

 Now this changes things quite a bit, because if the gospel of Jesus is just some formula I must obey in order to get taken off the naughty list and put on a nice list, then it doesn’t meet the deep need of the human condition, it doesn’t interact with the great desire of my soul, and it has nothing to do with the hidden (or rather, obvious) language we are all speaking. But if it is more, if it is a story about humanity falling away from the community that named it, and an attempt to bring humanity back to that community, and if it is more than just a series of ideas, but rather speaks directly into this basic human need we are feeling, then the gospel of Jesus is the most relevant message in the history of mankind. 

As I said before, the god I renounced that evening at the car wash was an impersonal god, a god of rules and lists and formulas. But what if all our rules and lists and formulas came together for a reason, and if we stopped looking at the rules and lists and formulas and rather looked through them at the larger and more obvious message? What if the motive behind our theology was relational? My need, the brokenness that existed inside me led me to play guitar and memorize poems and even renounce my faith in an effort to think myself smart, was all driven by relational motives: I wanted other people to value me. So what if the gospel of Jesus was a message that was relevant to that need? 

I realized that. Jesus was always, and I mean always, talking about love, about people, about relationship, and He never once broke anything into steps or formulas. What if, because we were constantly trying to dissect His message, we were missing a blatant invitation? I began to wonder if becoming a Christian did not work more like falling in love than agreeing with a list of true principles. I had met a lot of people who agreed with all those true principles, and they were jerks, and a lot of other people who believed in those principles, but who also claimed to love Jesus, who were not jerks. 

It seems like something else has to take place in the heart for somebody to become a believer, for somebody to understand the gospel of Jesus. It began to seem like more than just a cerebral exercise. What if the gospel of Jesus was an invitation to know God? 



Now I have to tell you, all this frightened me a bit because I had always assumed a kind of anonymity with God. When I saw myself in heaven, I didn’t imagine sitting at the right hand of God, as the Scripture says, but I pictured myself off behind some mountain range doing some fishing and writing a good detective novel. But if the gospel of Jesus is relational; that is, if our brokenness will be fixed, not by our understanding of theology, but by God telling us who we are, then this would require a kind of intimacy of which only heaven knows. Imagine, a Being with a mind as great as God’s, with feet like trees and a voice like rushing wind, telling you that you are His cherished creation. It’s kind of exciting when you think about it. Earthly love, I mean the stuff I was trying to get by sounding smart, is temporal and slight so that it has to be given again and again in order for us to feel any sense of security; but God’s love, God’s voice and presence, would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them. Perhaps this is what the apostles stumbled upon.” 

“Perhaps this is what the apostles stumbled upon.” 

Perhaps this is what I have stumbled upon over these 11 years of searching.

Long story short - it is. It is exactly what I have stumbled upon. I stumbled into this giant pit of unconditional love and belonging and identity and purpose which I will spend the rest of my life discovering and diving deeper into. Me - an imperfect and vulnerable mess - gets to be lavished in the fierce love and grace of a Holy, just and perfect God over and over and over again! What the heck kind of goodness even is that.

And as I’ve had the great honor to meet people all over the world - I’ve learned that they too - have stumbled into the same depth as me. The one with all of the belonging and the unconditional love. Different cultures, different upbringings, different languages - but the same Jesus.
I love that about Him. He gave His life for every one, every nation, every tongue - for everyone to have the chance to know their Creator. All of humanity was designed to come alive when aligned to love Himself.

In the same places, I have had the same honor to meet those who have yet to stumble.
They are loved all the same. They are valued all the same. But they haven’t the slightest idea.
Some of them, in the midst of searching for belonging, purpose and value - they make the decisions we hear about on the news every day.

I can’t help but think this one thing. And I’m just going to say it. I can’t help but think that these individuals who do not know the Love that longs to mark them - they are a lot like my 14 year old self. Desperate for belonging. Desperate for identity. Desperate for something, someone, to fill the void that shouts “you are not enough!”

Because of culture. Because of geographical location. Because of circumstances - my life looks very different than the ones I watch cut and edited on the news. But who is to say, that if I didn’t grow up in the way that I did - that would be the case?

And that is what races through my mind and aches in my heart, along with the rest world, over current events. When I hear of tragedies in my backyard and on the other side of the world, I am reminded of one thing. Jesus is not a dusty fairytale we tell ourselves so we can sleep peacefully. He is not hype or show or a way to gain wealth. He is not a rulebook, or a formula, or a big angry guy in the sky.

He is a man. He is love.
He is alive. He is relevant.
He is relevant to a 14 year old girl, living in small town America, whose biggest “issues” are her pointy ears and mile long limbs.
He is relevant to the men and women we know as ‘suicide bomber’ or ‘terrorist’ - who are desperate for a purpose and making decisions without a grid for unconditional love.
He is relevant to me now at 25, and to you.

His message, this beautiful invitation to know Him - it is relevant yesterday, today and tomorrow. If you’ve already RSVP’d - then you know of it’s rich depths and extravagance. If you’ve tasted and you’ve seen, then you are fully aware that the church - that His Kingdom - is not an exclusive club, where we we all stand around and love to hate on the outsiders. Just the opposite. Knowing Him always equals loving others with an unexplainable and fervent love. When we choose to keep silent - we are choosing to be selfish - and the invitation doesn’t get passed along.
Just writing these words makes my heart race with conviction.

There is space for every ethnicity. Every gender. Every class. Every tongue. Every life.
There is a seat waiting to be filled by every human that you, that I, could possibly come into contact with.

The world is dying to hear that they’ve already been invited.
That He is the hope they, we, have been looking for.
That He is relevant.

MAKING THE MOVE

I have been contemplating how to write this for quite some time now - mulling over when I should make it public. Making sure I have certain personal conversations first. Writing and rewriting. So, here it is. Raw and real. Not quite fully formed but full of potential. 

I am moving to Portland, Oregon!

Faith, as I have discovered, is full of taking risks. 

Full of trust. Full of vulnerability and uncovering new depths that could not be discovered without discomfort. Full of obedience and adventure. 

Last year, I felt a few questions stirring up within me..

“What am I willing to fight for?” 

As in - what is it that my heart burns for so strongly, that I would be willing to give my whole life to it - even if I had to do it alone at first? I want to live in constant, daily, surrender to God - laying down all things for Him. All expectations. All desires. All of it. And I know as we grow in relationship with God, our hearts shift to desire what He desires. We shift towards people with a unexplainable, unconditional love. We shift from “I can’t” to “You can”.

“Where can I be the answer and bring the Kingdom?” 

The Great Commission that He’s given every believer is clear and simple. And if we don’t know the “call” on our lives - we actually do. It’s right in His word and it’s out of choice and revelation that we accept it. We’re called to make disciples of all nations - all people. Teaching them about Jesus and His character. We’re discipled - not to sit in the glory of it - but to disciple in return. It’s an active lifestyle - whether it’s in our hometowns or in remote villages. The call is clear and we start by saying “yes”. 

In this I have part of my answer - love and fight for people, always, to know Him. 

Whenever, wherever. 

Another piece of the puzzle, the one I knew has been simmering on my heart for years, began to be very clearly confirmed by the Lord this summer. 

I feel a massive part of His call on my life is to disciple the younger generation of men and women (pre-teens!), carrying a message of restoration of identity through Christ. Deeply embedded in my heart is the desire to see young women walking out their identity as daughters who know their Father - walking in honor, respect, and discovering their full freedom through Jesus.

Why Portland?

This is a decision I have been quietly processing for most of this year now, letting the Lord either form it into something bigger or shut the door completely. Slowly I began to share with friends, family and mentors - and this Fall it really began to take shape into something tangible. As I explore and contemplate other opportunities, it’s this one that I keep going back to and feel the tug towards. 

A few friends, who have served with YWAM Kona for 5+ years, have made the move to Portland first with the genuine desire to see this city come to know Jesus and establish Kingdom cultured community. I will be joining them in said community home with similar vision as well as a burning heart for everything I shared above. 

Honestly, I’m not sure how it will look quite yet.

I have a lot of big dreams, hopes and ideas.

This looks like everything from conference planning to plugging into youth groups, leading outreaches or joining active ministries. The possibilities are endless and I'm confident doors will open as I move forward. 

Phew. So there it is. 

One step at a time. 

I will be moving from Germany mid-December.  

My tentative plan is to be in Michigan for a few months before the big move to Portland in April 2015.

If you would like to financially support making this move possible - you can do so here.

Feel free to sign up for my more official newsletters here. 

Loving Others.

A few weeks ago, a friend reminded me of something I said just over three years ago in a tense, emotional moment.  “I don’t even really care about people!” I exclaimed. “If I’m being really honest, I care more about animals!” 

When she reminded me of this, I burst into laughter, shocked by my own ignorance. But this statement sent me into a spiral of reflection on how much the Lord has radically shifted my heart since that moment. 

As I’ve fallen in love with the most passionionatly loving man there is, I’ve learned a lot from Him when it comes to how I react to others. What it means to honor and respect others, with my words, actions and my thoughts. More importantly - what it means to see and love others as He does! He's been teaching and growing in this for years now, but in India it hit a whole new level. 

He opened my eyes - and it ripped open my heart. 

I have never felt the love of God for a nation like I did while I was there. It was like - every single person I looked at, I felt an intense desire for them to know who they were. That they were created by God, fearfully and wonderfully, and that there was a purpose on their life. That they are loved so intensely that if they grasped on to even an ounce of it - it would flip their world upside down as it did mine. And no matter if they were a Hindu priest or a beggar on the street - they are loved and He is in passionate pursuit of their heart. No body has gone too far. No body is outside of His sight. He desires every single one to know Him - which brings freedom, hope, and purpose! (Phew, c’mon, the list is endless on what happens when you encounter the love of God!) 

Guys, it was intense. It messed me up in these best way. 

As I continued on to the States and Germany - it didn’t stop. Oh no - I felt it. Every single person I saw might as well had a bright red stamp on their forehead saying LOVED or BLOOD BOUGHT. I couldn’t look at anyone any differently. As soon as one tiny sliver of a judgement (subconscious or not) started to come into my mind it was like I would get shaken back into reality by Holy Spirit - reminding me that I am called to look at each person as He does. 

Unfortunately, that’s an upside down reality to the world. 

The world says it’s all about us. 

The world says we have a right to put others in boxes. That it’s okay to label others by their sin. The world says we are entitled to speak ill of others if they have wronged, inconvenienced or are just plain different from us. It’s the enemy whispering those lies saying “Thats right, you ARE better than them” or “If they don’t hear you, what does it matter?” And as a result, we often become calloused, judgmental and prideful. 

I know because I was.

And we have to ask ourselves, are we followers of of this world and the popular culture we’re surrounded by, 

or are we followers of Jesus?

Because we can’t be both. 

For years Jesus has been stripping me of wrong ideals about people. 

Stripping off judgements, boxes, labels, and the big one - pride. It’s by the renewing of our minds and the shedding of our flesh that we begin to see. It’s by falling in love with Him. The only reason we can love is because He loved first - and He teaches us what that should look like.  

If we are followers and disciples of Christ - then we must realize that He loves people, no matter how far they have strayed from Him - fiercely. His love never condemns, but it brings honor to all people. He speaks straight forward truth that ultimately brings freedom, hope and life to all those who take His words to heart. And so can we when are hearts are in alignment with His.

Jesus did not get on his high horse, ignore, or tolerate people because of their sin. He welcomed them, dined with them, prayed for them, healed them, and died for them (all of us) - and it was His love that made the difference.

Judging is a weakness - a bad habit.

The world needs believers and disciples to step out of our comfort zones. 

Sharing the gospel, sharing about how Jesus has transformed our own lives - now that's bold.

Because Love looks like something. It sounds like something. 

Love brings restoration, dignity, hope and freedom. 

Love is not poured out for the sake of gain, expecting no return. 

Love honors. 

Love is intentional. Active.

Love sounds like something. How do we speak of others? 

What sound are we making with our lives? Is it a reflection of Him or of the world? 

Love CELEBRATES all people, and I believe we are called to befriend people from all walks of life, backgrounds and races. Celebrating individuals. 

Calling out the gold within them, and proclaiming over and over again - that they are loved, passionately and unconditionally, by the King of Kings! 

So that man that cut you off on the highway earlier today - LOVED. BLOOD BOUGHT.

The girl who stands in front of you in the check out line tomorrow - LOVED. BLOOD BOUGHT.

The woman who insults you in front of your co-workers - LOVED. BLOOD BOUGHT.

The boy who looks like He’s given up on life, with needle marks on his arms - LOVED. BLOOD BOUGHT.

Every day, fresh and new, we get to partner with Jesus and ask:

"Who can I celebrate today? 

Who can I honor today? 

Who needs you Jesus, open my eyes to them!"

He’ll lead us to the most broken.
The ones living on a 2x5 ft piece of cardboard and the ones with corner offices overlooking the river. He’ll lead us to the tired momma’s who need some encouragement. To the man who’s wife left him 20 years ago and hides his pain in drugs and alcohol. 

He’ll lead us to each other. 

Into our backyards and half way across the world. 

He is in the business of calling every individual back to Himself - and we have the chance, if we choose to take it, to be apart of the greatest restoration of life.

Let’s intentionally look like Love today.

Let’s intentionally sound like Love today.

Let’s be authentic lovers of Him.

Let us rise up and allow Him open our eyes anew to people. 

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” 

John 13: 34-35

INDIA

Watching the love of God hit India has forever marked me. There is nothing that compares to His passionate pursuit. Nothing that can come close to His reckless heart of consuming love. I pray for the day India comes as a whole, broken chains in hand, overwhelmed by the love of Jesus, exalting Him for who He is, the King of Kings! 

Man, I love this place.
Here are a few moments from our two months there. 

All iPhone photos. Film to come.

(You think you won't be that girl who holds all the babies and takes all the "selfies", but then you are. And you're too sweaty and absolutely in love to care.)

VIDEO (by Hillary Warolin) HERE.