to be honest.

two weeks until take off.

you know, i don't know what i was thinking when i figured i would just be super excited and relaxed about leaving. i'm not. i mean, i am excited of course. but i'm also experiencing whole new levels of anxiety. my stomach has been twisted into knots for the past four days, and my hypochondriac tendencies are through the roof. which was very unexpected, as i thought i was past that years ago. 

and i just keep feeling ridiculous because i know God has me on this journey for a reason, and i know He is in control and i know i am in His hands. and i am really looking forward to everything in the next seven months.
so why all these panic attacks, and why all of the fear?
it's not okay. it's exhausting. and i feel like the anxiety is taking away from the excitement i should be feeling.

i keep telling myself 'once you get there, and get settled, everything will be okay.'
and then immediatly i think 'once you're there, you're a very long distance away from mom, dad, katie, jill and coleton. shoot. can i do this? i hope they remember to let franklin in at night.. and what about...'
and the battle goes back and forth.

so if you're reading this, say a prayer with me.
i'm really praying that God just continues to lead me, and that the anxiety subsides. 
i pray that i look past the anxiety to see the big picture, because there is an amazing adventure ahead with my name all over it.

do not be afraid, for I am with you. do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
isaiah 41:10 

photos from this week.  

the breakdown.

alot of people have been asking specific questions regarding the next seven months, so i thought i'd break it down for those who are interested.

september first
i fly out of grand rapids. bye!

september second
i arrive in herrnhut. hallo!
and i'll experience jet lag for the first time.

september fourth
most students will have arrived by now, and discipleship training school (dts) begins. 
this is the next three and a half or four months of life.
we have worship time, lecture, chores on base, art track classes, and assignments every day all week. weekends free, usually.
i will be soaking up eastern germany as much as possible.

right before christmas
this is when the dates get fuzzy, because it's very unknown to me at the moment.
but around this time, i leave for outreach.
my destination is unknown for the time being, but usually it's somewhere in africa and/or asia.
this will be for two or two and a half months. we'll be spreading the love of God, and using our art (photojournalism for me) to bring awareness to social injustice. and whatever else God has in store for us!

beginning of march
again, i'm not sure of the dates. but around this time we'll head back to herrnhut, and start debrief. also, we put together an art magazine.
wanna see last years? it's awesome. click here. 

march twenty-six
graduation.
yes, we graduate.

march twenty-seven
headed back home to the mitten.

so that's that. 

$1840 left to raise

update.

a breakdown of what i need to raise:
i've had to convert everything from euros, hence the random numbers.

flight -- $1100
application fee -- $78.95
lecture/dts phase -- $2447.37
min outreach during lecture/dts phase -- $197.37
outreach phase -- $1973.68 - $2631.58 (depending on which country i'm sent to)
shots, small supplies, train ticket, etc -- about $500

a grand total of
$6955.27ish

i've raised
$4229.52

i can't thank everybody enough for donating..
my heart is completely filled with joy and gratitude. 

through this whole process, the one thing i've been trying not to worry about is finances. i just keep thinking to myself  'God brought this onto my heart over a year ago and made everything happen this far, He will not stop now. the money will come
        the money will come
        the money will come'


over and over i would say this to myself. when others asked how much i still had yet to raise, i would say to them, "alot, but the money will come. God will provide, i know it."

well just yesterday, i was feeling maybe a little less sure about the money coming. everything had slowed down, and i've only recieved back about ten of the eighty support letters i sent out months ago. 


i sat there (in the Critter Cottage, yes!) and just prayed, 'God please let the money come, please please let me know the money will come'. 

i kid you not, within the next few hours, i received $400 from the most unexpected of donors. i literally did the whole 'hand-fly-over-the-mouth-big-gasp-and-stare' deal. 


as i was driving home, thinking about what just happened, i couldn't help but laugh. alot. because really, it just goes to show you that God has a sense of humor. how He brought such a random donation, at that time. good one, God. You got me. 


by the end of the day, i had received another humbling donation of $500. 
i'm overwhelmed with confidence the money will come, and in awe of the generosity that is around me.

i'm feeling the love. 

lately.

this summer has been very good to me.

Crystal + Girls

When Crystal contacted me about taking some candid portraits of her and her two beautiful daughters, I was really nervous about accepting since I had never really done a family style shoot. But, after months of looking at other photographer's portrait work that I really admire (ehem..Sarah Rhoads), I decided to put aside my fear and do it. It's the only way I'll ever be the photographer and the person I want to be, to push through the fear and do things that at first feel uncomfortable.

I'm so happy that I did, and c'mon, really, how cute is this family?

I really wanted to focus on capturing real moments between them, and am super pleased with how they turned out.

Enjoy the preview!

Loved the princess costumes! 

-Kelsey